The beat of my heart.

189,552 hours ago I came into this world. All 682,387,200 seconds of my life have felt wasted. 682,387,201 seconds. 682,387,202 seconds.

I, like many people, have made my hand full of mistakes. I’ve heard that without failure there is no success. Well so far, I’ve accomplished a hell of a lot of failure and have witnessed zero success. It comes a point in your life when you have to put your foot down and demand happiness.

Finding your happiness is the hard part. Where can you find happiness? You can’t. You create it. And its taken me too long to realize that. I’m tired of trying so hard for everyone else in my life and not trying for myself. Along this journey, I’ve forgotten who I am. Sometimes I think about that pink haired sixteen year old, sitting with a pen and paper writing about anything that came to mind. How care free and open she was. Now heavy-hearted and broken, I envy my former self and all she lost to become who I am today. Nothing.

It doesn’t have to stay that way, I’ve realized. There is no going back. And dwelling on the past is what caused these wasteful days of adulthood. There is so much I want to do. Remove the dust from long forgotten books. Create a world with colors. Experience a new light. Learn to cook. Learn to breath again. Break away from this cage I’ve created for myself.

So, I vow to myself to become a new me.

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